sweat

despite my drab and sweaty appearance at work I was able to make $78 in tips in just two days. with the combination of heat and lack of sleep I was less then amiable and extremely irritably. For some reasons street fairs tend to attract suburban housewives and their too-cool-for-school kids that know nothing beyond large franchises like Starbucks and Tully's. So, no I will not make you a venti iced non-fat carmel macchiatto with no whip or a fucking frappacino while you get angry for waiting more then 2 minutes to get a drink.

I am refusing to wear clothes from now on.

on Friday I went over to Tony, Kelly, and Dillan's after Chinese class to go to golden gardens to relax on the beach. It was a fucking american apparel advertisement. I do enjoy AA and their soft shirts, but it was actually kind of embarrassing to be surrounded with everyone wearing similar outfits. That's the problem with AA, it's become so hip that anywhere you go you'll be sure to see someone wearing the same thing.

oh hey here's an ad.

from the left to right: alissa, kayla, tony, bruce & kelly

tony & kelly; bruce & beer

kelly

Anyway I thought I'd be a good idea to drink heavily and walk to an imaginary bus stop by myself. I end up walking for a good 30+ minutes waiting for the 46 bus to arrive until running into Anthony's and remembering that Alex [my c0-worker] also works at a hostel right across the street from Anthony's. So being the problem solver I am, I call him at work and ask for directions. I eventually make it to a 44 bus stop only after walking another 15 minutes to downtown Ballard. I need to be more cautious while I drink. I could have been stolen!

Later we went to Frances' place to get more shitty before heading to the French Kicks show at chop suey. It was a really hot and disappointing show. so much sweat.

Tim and I tried to watch Pink Flamingo, a John Water's movie. This movie was so wacky. so weird.


I don't want to talk about things anymore. Here are just some photos.

emily & wine

jocelyn

emily & cam

emily's & cam's view

apples 2 apples; wines; city lights

sean sean

nermal

repetition.

1. pour milk
2. turn on anfim
3. dose
4. tap
5. 5 lbs. of pressure tamp
6. spin
7. 30 lbs. of pressure tamp
8. spin to finish
9. wipe down basket
10. flip
11. blow
12. insert
13. extract.
    

on being crazy

I am a mess today. Why, you ask?

Why I am a mess #1:
I skipped two classes today. I don't even want to disclose why I skipped my Chinese class. But I slept through my IS lab, which was a poor mistake considering that I was unable to turn in my last assignment because I did not want/know how to do it. But have some faith in me, I did go to my last class, which wasn't really a class because it was canceled so we could meet with our groups. So actually don't have any faith in me because I would have skipped if it weren't a mandatory group meeting.

Why I am a mess #2:
I napped, again. When I woke up I made some chocolate covered strawberries. I ate some of those chocolate covered strawberries and laid down, because I am a lazy piece of shit and not realizing I had chocolate all over my face, Nermal [cat] began licking my face. Because I am that lazy I just laid there and let her lick my face.

Why I am a mess #3:
I made my way to work--early for the first time in months so I could stroll and take in the sun and heat. When i arrived I realized I was not even scheduled for a shift today.

this list is just the highlighted messes I had today.

But here are just a few other things.

• I like new employees; they are so eager to please people.

• I almost ate a whole wedge of brie today.

• I cleaned my room [again]

• I sat under a tree in the sun

• I agreed to have dinner with someone I don't want to have dinner with

• Jeff and I have really great girl talk

• Did you know that obesity is causing global warming?

• Listening to Terrordyctals

• Nina. Nina. Nina.

Here are some photos for you.



okay I need to go watch a movie with ryan. bye bye.

Getting Shitty

Hating the Business School again.

I was incoherent today. I slept just about 3 hours last night because I had a Chinese exam today, but I really did not utilize this time to study. Instead, I watched graffiti videos and talked shit. Anyway i had a case study due today with my IS group. In the past, other groups just turned in the case study and our professor led a discussion on the readings and study. But today she decided to do something new and special--instead of her leading these discussions one representative in the group would lead. Of course because I was a wreck and I was born in the states, so naturally I was chosen to represent our group. It was terrible. I made absolutely no sense, completely unable to articulate any cohesive thoughts. I looked like a fool, I had never been so embarrassed in my life. But the boy who makes eyes at me sometimes alleviated some of the humiliation by helping me answer questions and add to the shit I was pooping out of my mouth. I don't know his name, but I wanted to give him a hug.

No more threats okay Frances.

I just bought my Sasquatch tickets. Thank you very much to those of you who had no faith in me—the H.MO’s.

Biking through Portland.

The plan goes as follows: take a train to Portland after spring quarter is over to see Dosh at Doug Fir on June 12 and then do a bike tour of Portland and its coffee shops. I don't care how nerdy you guys think I am.

this is Black Sheep Bakery in the Hawthorne neighborhood of portland.

Tight Pants

I've been eating a lot in the past few weeks, and as a result my pants are tighter then they have been in years. This means that i have primarily resorted to wearing tunics and avoid wearing form fitting tees. I have this pair of gray jeans that were already kind of tight, but are now uncomfortably tight. Sometimes it's hard to sit down and I don't bend so well, I found that bending to the side is the best in those jeans. Give me some more time and I'll be wearing sweats and moo moo's.

Sunday Brunches

I've been terrible. I've missed the past 2 Sunday brunch, yet my pants are still so tight. I think last last Sunday was a combination of tim and my fault. But last Sunday was my fault. I didn't get up until noon, which is really rare but I got had a rough weekend. Tim was a hater and he had shitty food at Table219, formerly known as El Greco.

Getting Shitty

Friday
I had a good weekend. I have been planning to get real shitty for a long time. As planned, I got real shitty. I got off work on Friday and went with Frances to my friend Chris' art opening at the Phinney Ridge/Greenwood art walk. Being a relatively small neighborhood the art walk was surprisingly big--spanning over 27 blocks. Frances stole a boot, 1 boot from a toddler. she took it right off her foot and ran away. she really had no shame. We ate at this restaurant called Olive You. I kept on telling Frances that I Olived Her. i don't think she thought it was as funny as I did. that's typical. Anyway the music was really loud and dark inside but there was a belly dancer that made Frances uncomfortable. Just imagine if someone just belly danced as they walked, even better imagine doing it up and down stairs at a very fast pace. I had some eggplant dish, which was so good. God damn it was good.

We left the restaurant and headed back to U-district to drink the wine that Frances had been carrying. We went to tim's and emily and owen were there. It started out very slow just drinking some and socializing and then all of sudden I just get ridiculously drunk. I remember being completely fine one second and then next second I am drunkenly cutting up oranges my parents bought for me. Sadly that's really all I remember of that night. I remember hearing voices but not seeing a god damn thing. But the next day I slowly pieced together that night. I was nuts. I put on tim's clothes and then tim started reading to me thinking that this would prevent me from getting sick. What a great idea.

Saturday
The first thing I say when I walk into work on Saturday is "I'm a mess." Working is never bad with weston. He's great. I'm really sad that's he's leaving to New York for grad school, but I'm really happy for him I'll just miss him and sven. Ashley was having a sushi making party. admittedly I was a little hesitant to go to this party because 1. I was really hung over and tired; 2. it was a bunch of ashley's language partner's friends that I didn't really know. To my surprise it was amazingly fun. It was kind of chaotic with all the people cooking in the kitchen. But we set up a bunch of sushi making ingredients on the table and just made what ever we wanted. I met a bunch of cool international students from mainly Taiwan and Korea. Again, to my surprise they drank a lot. Holy shit, from what I've experienced people from Asia, particularly students don't drink very much. These kids knew how to drink, going through a few cases of beer, a fifth of vodka, and the biggest bottle of sake I've ever seen. Taiwanese people love mayonnaise! i was so full, but that didn't stop me from devouring a large slice of rosemary pear upside cake and two scopes of icecream. it was delicious. Ashley made it and it was perfect--not too sweet and somewhat savory. somewhere in between eating way to much and drinking more then we should the party died down a little bit and colin arrived looking devilishly handsome. they say distance makes the heart grow fonder. i haven't seen that shit head in weeks. he looks like a different man.

one of the tawainese kids, Daren, loves to take photos. so we looked through some slideshows that he had of his adventures in the states. he had a few random pictures of american children, which i thought were funny. so, Mei, Ashley's language partner asks, "so what is it called, someone who likes children?" Ashley and I look to each other and we both say, "pedophile." Immediately after Mei yells, "Daren's a pedophile." Ashley then explains the negative definition of the word pedophile and warns the international students to never yell that in public, especially if you're taking pictures of kids. good advice, that could have been sticky.

I watched Lilya 4-ever at Tim's. It's confirmed that it is one of the most depressing movies.

Sunday
I missed brunch but met Tim at Stumptown on Pine. Attempted to study. Studying is hard given the any other option. Lest to say that not much studying happened. the people working at Stumptown were really nice but played lots of metal/screm-o tunes. It got unbearable at times.

Tim was trying to convince me to convert my bike to a single speed for his own reasons, which I completely respect but can't do. I'm not fit enough bike up hills with one gear, sorry I got stumps.

Frances later joined us and we studied and fought. I wonder what people think about us when we're in public? God I guess I don't want to know. they probably think we're some dysfunctional three-some couple. hot--not really. We ate at De-luxe Bar and Grill on Broadway. It reminded me of a dimmer and gayer Red Robins or Applebees--having a comparable menu and music selection. Frances had i think a crab sandwich with onion rings. Fried food is Frances specialty. Thankfully it's fair food season. Deep fried everything, it's the american way. Tim had the Monte Cristo, which was a sandwich with I don't know what inside deep fried, sprinkled with powdered sugar and served with some kind of jam. Sounds gross, but apparently it was delicious. I had some ravioli, it was sub-par and a rip off. But Tim helped me finish. Boy can that skinny piece of shit put away food.

What's ahead.

applying for internships
signing up for summer [lame] and fall courses
wasting time doing group projects
wasting time doing chinese
being more forward and pounce
symphony on Thursday
French Kicks show on Friday
biking
saving money
keeping my room clean
sleepy and eating regularly
glory-holing
being 21 and picking up studs at the bar
seeing family

Final thought.
picnics and alcohol

I’ve always have had problems with means of communication. I like the idea and convenience of it, really I do. But I like this convenience on my own time. I’m slow to respond to things like e-mail, phone calls, and letters. I avoid checking voicemails, my email for fear of acknowledging obligations. Time and time again I’m burned by my inability to sense urgency.

I had a midterm today. I started studying early and for the first time in a long time felt prepared. I go into class and sit down in my usual spot—the front. As usual, I take no notice to my surroundings and the trivial speak of the current greek happenings. But I happen to hear some dude say, ‘hey man I filled every inch of my note sheet.’ I turn around and discover that everyone has a piece of paper filled with useful information concerning the midterm I’m about to take. I apparently missed the memo. I assumed that the professor told the class that we could have a cheat sheet on one of the many days I had skipped this class. Still shocked and confused, I asked the guy sitting next to me when she [our professor] told us that we could have a note sheet. He replied, ‘last night she sent us an e-mail.’

I never learn from mistakes.

When I worked on Sunday with Molly I was asked out/hit on a record amount of times. This doesn’t happen that often and when it does, it’s invariably uncomfortable and disgusting. Why you ask? Because this only happens from people that Molly and I have coined as “undesirables.” From my experience, I developed six basic characteristics that describe undesirables. 1.) older men; 2.) men who are obviously into asian girls 3.) men who obviously haven’t had sex in a long time 4.) men who will obviously have sex with anyone willing but still haven’t had sex in a long time 5.) men who obviously unaffected by rejection; and 6.) men who hit on/ask out anyone in the service industry, with the belief that there is a positive correlation between the number of times you ask someone out to the number of times someone will say yes.

Building on this I got a present from this man. He gave me weed cookies that he made. Given I don’t smoke weed, I am in a predicament—yes, I don’t smoke weed, but I never said I don’t eat it. We’ll see.

On a different note I did unexpectedly well on my Information Systems midterm. I thought I failed it. but instead i scored well above the average score.

Things I like right now:

Listening to “the park” by feist very loud on either speakers or on large headphones is key. I really enjoy this album for various reasons but I especially appreciate the hints of reverberation and background noises that are present on this album, I particularly like the park because you if you listen close enough you can hear wind rustling through trees and birds chirping.

Eating frozen mangoes from trader joes. Always sweet and very refreshing, even on those cold spring days. Frozen pineapples are my substitutes when I have no more mangoes, which happens more often then I’d like. On any given trip to trader joes I will typically buy two bags of frozen mangoes and one bag of pineapples or two bags of pineapples if they’re out of mangoes, also just to throw it in if they’re out of both mangoes and pineapples—god forbid it ever happen again—I will buy frozen blueberries [lame]. I love the mangoes so much, I can eat a bag [about a pound and a half] in a day.

Debating on whether or not I should cut my hair or let it grow out and then gathering opinions from others of what I should do and not taking any consideration to their requested opinions.

The greek system confirming my belief that they epitomize nearly everything that is wrong with society. It’s interesting that educational institutions condone, praise and excuse their heinous behavior. Although I admit I enjoyed grinding with those masculine men with exposed nipples.

Acknowledging the extent of my athleticism--I played Frisbee for about a half an hour, if not less and my arm is sore.

Sarah Cass' photography.

Taking Frances’ advice and walking slower. Admittedly, it’s quite relaxing and enjoyable. That’s all I have to say about that one.

Currently:
Working on my website
Developing new picture projects—which will remain a secret until they’re finalized
Saving money for [near] future travels
Building up confidence to ask Mr. cardigan out.
Out of touch with everything
Desperately seeking B.O.B. [babe on bike]
Waiting for tim to fix my bike so maybe I will run into B.O.B.
Indebt to the library
Not at my normal pooping potential
Really into napping with my socks on
Really into skipping classes for no valid reason
Fighting every urge to be a grandma
Thinking about eating these special cookies
forgetting to call colin back again.

I'm so tired I will continue later.

greasy hands are sexy, no?

I am back--permanently. that's right frances and tim rejoice. now frances will have to wait a few minutes longer before she uses the restroom every morning. and tim will hopefully stop being a hateful gay man.

my bike is broken. I've been spending some time trying to fix it myself. I'm just taking a stab at being the manly man i've always wanted and known i am. at first I thought it was the derailleur, but after changing the cable for that i realized that was not the problem. Ryan came over and helped me fix it, but nothing. after bitching to tim for god knows how long he finally looked at it today and he decides that it's my chain that is causing me all this grief. my chains are disgusting. they're all gunky and covered in so much grease. although i can't really complain about the grease i find greasy bike hands interestingly sexy. it also is very masculine, which i'm into these days. for tim i think it gives him this minuscule and temporary sense of redeeming his masculinity. good for him. but really tim was kind to have helped me so much, even though it is not yet fixed. tomorrow hopefully. but I am really excited actually I want to clean my sprockets and have nice new chains and be the babe on the bike i've always wanted to be.

I had a midterm this week in information systems. i think this class makes me want to die. i can't skip anymore school. but after chinese, getting coffee and eating a large meal going to information systems or organizational behavior especially on a sunny day is the least of my interests.

Frances said that she would put her apples and banana in my mouth. I think she's just concerned with my health and wishes i would eat more fruit. how thoughtful of her.

today at work I saw my ex walk by work with his new girlfriend. it's interesting because I am convinced and have been that I have no lingering feelings for him in that way, but as i saw him walk by, hand in hand with his new girl I felt a bit jealous. the only rational explanation for this is that maybe i'm jealous that since him, i have not really moved on. moved on in the sense moved on in dating--really dating other people. but settling is arbitrary.

the bathrooms at work make me want to vomit. they don't flush. they always to get dirty. and there is always pubic hair and piss on the toilet. I try my best not to use these for the fear of over flowing one myself or walking into a bathroom just to discover a big poop float uptop as a result of an unsuccessful flush. I feel bad for our customers, because, as you know i think pooping is great!

It's not a question anymore. i need to go to europe this summer. I need this. I really do. I need to save money. shit. I have fantasies about meeting handsome men, sitting outside in cafes sipping on espresso under the sun, drinking wine from the bottle at all times of the day, and walking around until my legs can't move. this will happen. believe it. donate to my cause. please.

I will say this again because it irritates me so much. I hate--HATE it when I ask someone if they want their drink for here or to go and they reply, "I'm staying here, but I want it in a to-go cup?" my internal response is "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, YOU DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT" that's a horrible thought, but I don't really think people think about waste. people are ignorant and unconscious. and i completely disagree with the idea that ignorance is bliss. fuck you.

I've been feeling motived to be a better [wo]man. I've compiled a short term 'to-do list' if you will. and yes, you will.

buy a typewriter.
buy a record player
buy a new lens
go to henry art gallery
go to the symphony
go to more farmer's markets
go to shy giants
go to a strip club
go to san fran
go to oregon
go to vancouver
go to europe
get out of the u-dist as soon as possible
paint more
expand my photography and photoshop knowledge
expand my bike fixing knowledge
talk less shit
catch up with old friends
eat less cookies
not eating to the point i need to unbutton my pants and sit an angle over 90 degrees
make banana bread with my rotting bananas
try to graduate without doing homework
climb more
learn to play the piano
be a real man
avoid wardrobe duplications with a certain lady
invent something
avoid awkward greetings in passing
not buying clothes
talking about it more
more shows
cut or grow out my hair
fix my tennis racket
go camping and hiking
canoing and kayaking

that's the shortened, incomplete version. goodnight and i hope to talk to you soon. okay it's my promise.