Rilo Kiley

so good. blake and jenny are babes.

My life is in shambles. god let me get back to you about life, for now I need to study.

hey shy guy

Thanks.

I hope that we will some how meet again.

I know I have a lot to catch you guys up on. But first let me write a note to someone.

Dear girl in the bathroom stall next to me at Solstice,

I know that I startled you, disturbing your ever so private pooping session with my entrance. I smelled what you were doing, and yes it is a little embarrassing to be caught in the act of pooping in public. I am a girl too, I understand, we've all been through it. And yes, I do understand to spare the embarrassment of being identified as the "girl who pooped next to me" why you nervously left in a rush. But I not understand, nor do I appreciate you leaving without washing your hands. I know you opened the bathroom door with your germ-filled hand, and for all I know you could be touching [contaminating] other people's tables, cups, straws, and lids. Let's think about the trade off, your pride or public sanitation? Come on.

"I'm going to kill myself, write a new blog homo."

That is exactly what Frances texted me last week. Frances is going through a lot and not reading my blog every morning before she uses the restroom to drop a deuce is causing her so much pain. My blog was on hiatus for more than a weekend, let me re-cap all the adventures and thoughts i've had as of recent. But first let me tell you about today.

I just got done watching There Will Be Blood. This movie was unbearable for so many reasons, many of which are not worth noting. This entire movie made me feel terrible--the music, the acting, the scenes, everything gave me a horrible feeling. the music was great, it narrated the scenes so well. The music at times, however, made me feel frantic, as it was a theme for me throughout the movie. Ryan even felt the same way. Perhaps, the perpetual feeling of distress indicates how amazing this movie really is. The fact that it evokes such strong feelings is quite remarkable. I hated, HATED Daniel Dan Lewis' character so much. Every bone of my body hated his character. I started out hating his character from the beginning and expected his character to get better, but he only got worse. His character continued to digress--all caused by greed. This is the problem with money, it's addictive--once you start making a lot of money you can't stop, and won't stop. I can't talk about this movie any longer, it'll make me more depressed.

Frances, Tim, and I have become this trio [three-way] of shit talkers. We just talk shit all day to each other and about everything else. We always joke about how we are all becoming the same person--a gay man. Yes, that's right, a gay man. Frances and I are transforming in men who wear flannel and like woman. Tim has remained a man, but likes men--specifically other men named Tim [Tim Sweeny and so on]. So anyway, yes there's more emphasis really on the progression of Frances and I becoming the same person. We order pretty much the same drink [soy latte and soy cappuccino], say the same phrases, have the same wallet that is almost the same color, make awkward situations more awkward, work at coffee shops, and sometimes wear similar outfits. It's been made official, we've completely assimilated. Our jokes have manifested itself into reality. Today Frances and I wore almost the exact outfit--skinny jeans, red flannel and mustard yellow jacket, and the same coat from CHINA! We were not complete twins, there were slight variations. Frances had gray skinny jeans, and I had blue skinny jeans; she had a mustard yellow hoodie, I had a mustard yellow cardigan; the same coat that we both got in China, but hers was gray and mine was black. When we realized what was happened we started laughing uncontrollably. The laughing was interspersed with things like, "Oh my god," "I can't believe this is happening," "I don't want to talk about it." What was worse was that our classmates noticed. I think they already think bad things about us, this incident just worsened it.

I don't want to talk about it.

It rained again today. I went to Victrola on 15th and met with Frances to do some work--don't worry I changed my outfit. I think Frances was offended and may very well still be offended that I changed my outfit. She said to me, "Liz why are you so embarrassed, why don't you just embrace and accept it." Oh Frances, I just can't. You know that I am in denial of everything in my life, accept that homegirl. Anyway there's a painfully gorgeous man--no, guy that works at Victrola. I had a traditional cappuccino to start[made by my crush], which was okay, nothing too spectacular, but later I had a macchiato, which was amazing. Great shot, amazing milk. There was even a heart on the top, which is really difficult to do in macchiatos.

Okay now I will start my real re-cap. Let's start with Friday, the 11th. It started with me skipping my only class of the day. God, I'm a mess. I met Frances and Tim at Jewel of India for lunch. They had just seen the Dalai Lama, and of course Tim was talking shit. This was a momentous day, not because they saw the Dalai Lama, but because Tim decided to break up with us, us being Frances and I. I don't even remember why he did--really that's how unimportant it was, but he vengefully did it and left us. I worked. It was so slow, excruciatingly slow. I work with Dylan, which is something that doesn't happen very often, but am glad that they are happening more often now. I really like Dylan. I feel bad because I think I scare him with what I say, probably make him feel awkward with the indirect advances I make at him, and I also shit talk him a lot. We had a good time I think. I was supposed to go out with Jon and the rest of Hard City Refugee house but plans foiled. I went to over to Ryan's and we watched the Beatles anthology. While we were watching I look behind us, outside the window and realize that there is a homeless man pushing a shopping cart staring through the window watching the Beatles with us. He must have been there for 20 minutes or so. He was unfazed by passer byers and even our stares.

Jesus, I think I need to cut my hair. I know I have been saying that I am letting it grow long, but give me some credit I've let it grow longer than I have in years. I think on average I've been telling Colin that I am trying to grow out my hair twice or three times a year, but always fall weak and give up during the awkward stage of hair growth. It's also growing wild. It flips out uncontrollably in the back and waves in no particular pattern in the front. I look something like a pre-pubescent hippie surfer boy. Maybe I'll grow into this look. With Frances and I quickly becoming the same man, I think I may be forced to continue to let my hair grow for the sake of differentiation. We'll see how this unfolds.

As much as I'd like to continue blogging I need to sleep much more. Forgive me if this entry lacks coherence, I'm fucking tired. There's so much more that needs to be told about Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I need to stop before I go crazy. See you tomorrow babes.

b00bz

I was a mess today. Why and how you ask? Let me list the ways

• I woke up extremely late [I was in need of a shower--did not shower]
• Choked on mini pancakes
• Got syrup all over my Chinese book
• Got confused in my information systems lab and started to panic, which in then turned into me sweating
• Ran into my professor right on my way out of skipping her class

Anyway after skipping class I went home and fell asleep [on my back] on the couch and when I woke up Nermal [the house kitten] was on my sitting on my back staring at me. It actually startled me. Nermal does really peculiar things like on a regular basis. Sometimes when I walk into the bathroom she's sitting on top of the toilet looking at herself in the mirror or sitting in the tub. I think she's narcissistic, on numerous occasions I've caught her starring at herself in the mirror. Sometimes when the front door opens she tries to escape. She's real cute though.


During my nap I had this really weird dream. I rarely remember dreams but for some reason parts of this dream were really vivid. It started out at a house I did not recognize, it was dark and very eerie. The house was filled with strangers and some of my family. It seemed to be a party or something, everyone seemed to be unaware that a murderer loose in the town except me. It was weird because I did not tell anyone, I just wanted to find this murderer. It's dark and pouring outside. It's late, i drive to the store for no reason that I can remember and see my two sisters there, Amy and Lisa. They're buying nail polish. I tell them about the murderer and they seem unconcerned and at ease that there was a murderer roaming the streets. I return to my car and the murderer is sitting in my passenger seat. It's weird because in my dream I was not scared at all. We started talking and that is the end of my dream.

I made macaroni and cheese from scratch. I've been having extreme cravings for home made macaroni and cheese. Come over if you, too enjoy macaroni and cheese with vegetables.

I was grumpy at work today. I have my reasons, but nothing that would affect my emotions. In any case my latte, cappuccinos, and chai art was so on key. It was probably because I was working really hard on concentrating my mind on one thing and I was unconcerned with what was going on around me. The night picked up and I began to feel better. We always somehow end up talking about gender and sexuality. Alex, Aaron and I are talking about how guys can be so homophobic and self conscious when it comes to talking about the attractiveness of other guys. I mean if you have an idea of what an ugly guy looks like, shouldn't you then inherently have an idea of what an attractive guy looks like? I think girls are much more open about this. I have no problem saying a girl is attractive, cute, or hot. That does not make me gay. Guys are not gay if you say some other guy is attractive. I hate that there is such a strict delineation between what is considered gay and not gay. My friend Molly once said to me, "you're not queer until you're willing to go down there." This was hilarious. I told Aaron this and he replied, "oh god I could never do that. I cant even get over the boobs part." I think that was the highlight of my night.

God, I really like Ace of Cakes. I think maybe one day I would like to do something similar. I really like Geoff. He's so sarcastic. What I like most about him is his voice, it's monotone and extremely sarcastic. He's so nerdy and uncomfortable. He likes to wear plaid shirts and plain T's. I like that.

I thought I was seeing Dalai Lama on Monday but Dylan freaked me out by saying that the only tickets for students or whatever are for tomorrow. But if I remember correctly I have tickets for Monday, the 14th from 3-5. But I don't know how I will check that. I hope I'm right. I'm actually really excited to see the Lama. I will take pictures and share with you all!

If you know me at all, you know that I wear lots of V-necks. I'm no slut, but they're really low, deep V-neck, quite boobtastic, if you will. When I wear V-necks to work, I usually go home and take a shower or change and there coffee grinds that literally pour from my bra and chest, like a avalanche. I don't know if that's something to brag about or be embarrassed about. Either way, I'm a messy bitch. In addition to that I will without a doubt have milk all over my classes, syrup in my hair and coffee grinds in my shoe.

I've been listening to She & Him [Zooey Deschanel and M. Ward] Volume one non-stop since I got it on Sunday. Fuck, it's so good. so good.

byebye.

more than the sum of the parts

I just watched United States of Leland. I really liked this movie. In the movie Ryan Gosling's character does this thing with his eyes, where he has one eye shut while his other eye focuses on an object and then he switches and does the reverses, which completely changes the position of the object. It's a re-occurring thing in the movie. What's weird is that I always do this with objects. I doubt that I'm one of the only people that do it, but it's something I've always done but never shared with anybody else.

Colin and I went shopping for more then two hours today. This would not be so weird if it weren't for the fact that it was grocery shopping. First we went to Trader Joe's and then to Whole Foods. Holy hell I think every time I go to Trader Joe's I have some kind of panic attack, which is caused by the chaotic nature of the shoppers there. There's always at least one single parent with two or more fussy kids that are hanging out of their cart crying or complaining. There is also always a grumpy old woman or dozen at Trader Joe's fiercely plowing down the aisle, pushing you aside for that gallon of milk. Colin whispered to me, "look that woman is spread eagle, LOOK!" I replay, "what the fuck are you talking about?" I look around and try to find her but I'm too slow, fortunately for me the woman does some kind of very aggression spread eagle bend to the floor to grab some granola bars. God it was awkward, it kind of made me feel sick. Anyway I bought more frozen mangoes--two bags to be exact. These will be gone in a week...tops.

Today I did I participated in this research study for my management class. It was in a computer lab, and as you know computer labs are notoriously hot. Jesus, I was sweating...bad. This is probably because I'm a menopausal old woman. In any case it was nasty. I rarely ever feel like I'm pitting out. I say feel like i'm pitting out because I really did not know. Usually when I feel like I'm sweating badly, I'm really not. I think self-consciousness really plays a large part of this feeling. It was so bad that I was scared to re-tie my hair, fearing that someone would catch a glimpse of a sweaty pit. For some reason there was a dog in class, I think it was a lab tech's or something. But it was so friendly and cute I could not resist playing with it. I spend a good 5 minutes petting this dog and after I smell something kind of gross around me. I look around thinking to myself "maybe someone farted" then I smell my hands and realize my hands smell like shit. At this point I am a little upset, not at the dog but the dog's owner. How dare they have a dirty dog.

I am so tired. I need to go to bed. But I will probably see if Frances has a new blog up.

The Graduate

Dustin Hoffman what a babe.

that's all for tonight goodnight.

"corn in poop"

Law and Order: SVU is so fucking addicting. It's one of those things that I don't like to admit to other people because it's really quite embarrassing. But I can't deny how goood it is. I can spend hours watching it, admittedly I enjoy every minute of it.

For the first time in a long time school is at the bottom of things important to me. It feels great. We'll see how long it'll continue, the quarter is still young.

I'm pretty terrible at keeping in touch with people--especially on facebook. I have a love-hate relationship with facebook. Facebook lets me keep in touch with people that I can't easily talk to, but it also becomes an obligation of sorts. I'll let comments pile up, and the more they pile up the less i want to reply to them. As horrible as it might sound it almost becomes a burden to reply to the growing comments. Sometimes people get all mad when I don't respond. What the fuck is up with that? Facebook is causing me all kinds of pains. God I'm going on tangents. But what I wanted to get at is every so often when I feel that it's time to reply to Facebook comments I do a massive reply session. This task usually takes me a good hour or so, it's really quite draining and I do feel horrible for taking my sweet time replying. I think I have an issue with learning from mistakes because judging from past experiences I have not learned from my mistakes. I'm a mess.

I kind of talked with a friend from China. I think it's time to go back. I am searching for a sugar daddy to fund my trips. Let me know if you know any good ones. thanks.

I made banana bread today and then I ate some banana bread today. It was pretty good, but I put walnuts in them and I think I regret that decision. They're too walnutty tasting, which is NOT what I was looking for. I only really like eating the tops and ends of baked goods. Well not only, but if I could I would eat just the tops and ends of all baked goods I'd be a happier woman [lumberjack]. Perhaps I will start a bakery in the future of just tops and ends to cater to those who are just like me that primarily enjoy the tops and ends. That is how I will make my millions.

I ate it quick! poof!

As of late I've been listening to NPR constantly. Let me tell you it is much much easier to listen to news then to read it. I encourage you to try it. just do it.

Today Ryan told me that he pooped corn. And I asked him if they were in whole form and sure enough they were! Then I asked him when he had corn last and he said yesterday. So then I told him to try to eat things that will visibly appear in his poop just to see how long it takes him to digest them. This conversation led to us [mainly Ryan] researching corn in poop at solstice. He typed in "corn in poop" into Google and we got this website--http://www.poopreport.com/Doctor/Content/corn.html . This is a really informative website if you ever had any questions or concerns about your poop or other's poop.

Here is the first "planet" i made on photoshop. This one is okay considering I did this kind of drunk. enjoy!

My legs hurt.

Spring quarter just started last week and again I find myself questioning why the fuck I continue schooling. I think the biggest part is that, although business classes can be interesting they're pretty boring and the some of the people are just toolbags. Take for example the seemingly normal looking guy that sits in front of me in my Information System class [yikes I know I suck] until he stands up and exposes his crew-neck tucked into his pants that are up to his chest. He is the know it all that inevitably everyone has in class. On numerous occasions he idiotically spoke out in front of the class acting like he knew everything about computers and shit and then the teacher corrects him and he gets so defensive and argues and DOES NOT STOP. I could not help but laugh. So yes, I am that bitch in the class that makes no attempt to make friends and keeps quiet. I know, I know this sounds nothing like me, but I just tell myself that my "peers" here at the good old business school are here to exploit the poor and exhaust [limited] resources for the sake of their own wealth and to fuel corporate America's blatant corruption. The business school is all about bull-shitting and looking good. You may ask, "why are you in the business school Liz if you hate it so much?" I have my reasons, I hate myself sometimes for this decision, but to put it simply I do not support corporate America and I do not intend on taking over the world and exploiting everyone and anything I can just so I can live in a mansion on the eastside with a hummer.

I'm a hater.

On a better note I finally returned the Cd's I borrowed from the library. I've been walking around the city recently exploring and such. Seattle has so many neighborhoods and things to do that sometimes finding new things to do or see seem endless. This is quite wonderful, yes?

My legs are sore as F! I walk really aggressively on the streets with my head down and music blasting. I'm completely in my own world of thought. Sometimes I wonder what I'm missing on these powerwalks of mine. There's a genuine curiosity but I have such a fear of eye-contact that i can't risk this by observing my surroundings.

Anyway after class I planned on meeting Ashley for some frozen yogurt--fro yo, as it is so dearly called at Shy Giants at the market. It's the best fucking place for frozen yogurt. [Side note:: I think you have to understand how much I love frozen yogurt and how frustrating it is to have less than a handful of frozen yogurt joints in Seattle]. But by the time we got there it was closed! So we just walked around the market and ran into a gelato place on 1st ave. Mmm...chocolate hazelnut and caramel gelato. So good.

We made our way to the library, which was a first for Ashley. She got a library card and the man at the desk was a hater too. He was talking so much shit about all the problems the library has. He is my new friend I think. I don't know his name but I know where he works and what he looks like, that's enough right? We explored and got hella lost--that's right hella lost, which is totally fine considering how cool everything was in there. The red floor is something out of a horror movie or a bad dream. Reminds me of blood or being completely panicked and lost. It was also kind of scary with those homeless people popping out of dark corners like they were. I go to the library really just to rent cd's, which i then in turn upload onto my computer but I really like to get out of U-district.

As we were leaving this man comes into the elevator with us , and you can tell this man has good character by his dress. He's wearing a peculiar suit with faint pink stripes. And anyway I'm fussing my camera and we start chatting and he tell us he's from South Carolina and yadda yadda and then out of no where he asks me "do you want to take a picture of me?" I like him more. I'm always scared of taking pictures of people, and being a passive seattlelite i never ask. Look at him, he looks so cool.

I became a member of the Seattle Symphony campus club today. I've been trying to see the symphony forever but it's so expensive and I never got around to go. But the campus club thing lets you see the symphony for 10bucks. I'm so excited.

We then walked to Chinatown. Shit the walk from downtown to Chinatown is sketchy. I honestly felt scared walking through pioneer square, and not the "scared" I feel walking home at night in u-dist, but "fuck I hope nobody jumps me for my camera." [Yeah Tim I know what you're thinking. Suck it ]. And fuck I don't know why I was carrying my camera around in that area anyway.

We ate at this tiny Hong Kong style restaurant in Chinatown. I got these rice noodles in broth with tofu and chinese broccoli. It was delicious. What I love about Chinatown is that the food is sooo good and so cheap. Eating in Chinatown makes me think about how much money I spend on overpriced shit. This gigantic bowl cost me about the same of my soy cappuccino. This makes me sick. I can't help myself though. I'm a mess. My life revolves around foood. This blog can easily and will probably become a food documentation blog. Prepare yourself for the glutton that is me.

Although I definitely foresee school being horrible, I have a good feeling about this quarter. I am expecting fun, adventures, lots of learning and new experiences--bike rides, picnics, canoing, frisbee-ing, wine, beer, and coffee drinking, Seattle neighborhood exploration adventures, you name it. Shiiiittttt, it's going to be good.

I've been experimenting with making wee worlds from panoramic shots. I'll post them later along with a few other projects. I'm trying to do everything and anything to avoid homework! enjoy!

On a final note:
I like flannel. If there were more opportunities for little Chinese girls to be excellent lumberjacks I think I would be happier. But I can settle for marrying a lumberjack instead. I can live vicariously through him.