greasy hands are sexy, no?

I am back--permanently. that's right frances and tim rejoice. now frances will have to wait a few minutes longer before she uses the restroom every morning. and tim will hopefully stop being a hateful gay man.

my bike is broken. I've been spending some time trying to fix it myself. I'm just taking a stab at being the manly man i've always wanted and known i am. at first I thought it was the derailleur, but after changing the cable for that i realized that was not the problem. Ryan came over and helped me fix it, but nothing. after bitching to tim for god knows how long he finally looked at it today and he decides that it's my chain that is causing me all this grief. my chains are disgusting. they're all gunky and covered in so much grease. although i can't really complain about the grease i find greasy bike hands interestingly sexy. it also is very masculine, which i'm into these days. for tim i think it gives him this minuscule and temporary sense of redeeming his masculinity. good for him. but really tim was kind to have helped me so much, even though it is not yet fixed. tomorrow hopefully. but I am really excited actually I want to clean my sprockets and have nice new chains and be the babe on the bike i've always wanted to be.

I had a midterm this week in information systems. i think this class makes me want to die. i can't skip anymore school. but after chinese, getting coffee and eating a large meal going to information systems or organizational behavior especially on a sunny day is the least of my interests.

Frances said that she would put her apples and banana in my mouth. I think she's just concerned with my health and wishes i would eat more fruit. how thoughtful of her.

today at work I saw my ex walk by work with his new girlfriend. it's interesting because I am convinced and have been that I have no lingering feelings for him in that way, but as i saw him walk by, hand in hand with his new girl I felt a bit jealous. the only rational explanation for this is that maybe i'm jealous that since him, i have not really moved on. moved on in the sense moved on in dating--really dating other people. but settling is arbitrary.

the bathrooms at work make me want to vomit. they don't flush. they always to get dirty. and there is always pubic hair and piss on the toilet. I try my best not to use these for the fear of over flowing one myself or walking into a bathroom just to discover a big poop float uptop as a result of an unsuccessful flush. I feel bad for our customers, because, as you know i think pooping is great!

It's not a question anymore. i need to go to europe this summer. I need this. I really do. I need to save money. shit. I have fantasies about meeting handsome men, sitting outside in cafes sipping on espresso under the sun, drinking wine from the bottle at all times of the day, and walking around until my legs can't move. this will happen. believe it. donate to my cause. please.

I will say this again because it irritates me so much. I hate--HATE it when I ask someone if they want their drink for here or to go and they reply, "I'm staying here, but I want it in a to-go cup?" my internal response is "FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, YOU DIRTY PIECE OF SHIT" that's a horrible thought, but I don't really think people think about waste. people are ignorant and unconscious. and i completely disagree with the idea that ignorance is bliss. fuck you.

I've been feeling motived to be a better [wo]man. I've compiled a short term 'to-do list' if you will. and yes, you will.

buy a typewriter.
buy a record player
buy a new lens
go to henry art gallery
go to the symphony
go to more farmer's markets
go to shy giants
go to a strip club
go to san fran
go to oregon
go to vancouver
go to europe
get out of the u-dist as soon as possible
paint more
expand my photography and photoshop knowledge
expand my bike fixing knowledge
talk less shit
catch up with old friends
eat less cookies
not eating to the point i need to unbutton my pants and sit an angle over 90 degrees
make banana bread with my rotting bananas
try to graduate without doing homework
climb more
learn to play the piano
be a real man
avoid wardrobe duplications with a certain lady
invent something
avoid awkward greetings in passing
not buying clothes
talking about it more
more shows
cut or grow out my hair
fix my tennis racket
go camping and hiking
canoing and kayaking

that's the shortened, incomplete version. goodnight and i hope to talk to you soon. okay it's my promise.