I know I have a lot to catch you guys up on. But first let me write a note to someone.

Dear girl in the bathroom stall next to me at Solstice,

I know that I startled you, disturbing your ever so private pooping session with my entrance. I smelled what you were doing, and yes it is a little embarrassing to be caught in the act of pooping in public. I am a girl too, I understand, we've all been through it. And yes, I do understand to spare the embarrassment of being identified as the "girl who pooped next to me" why you nervously left in a rush. But I not understand, nor do I appreciate you leaving without washing your hands. I know you opened the bathroom door with your germ-filled hand, and for all I know you could be touching [contaminating] other people's tables, cups, straws, and lids. Let's think about the trade off, your pride or public sanitation? Come on.