more than the sum of the parts

I just watched United States of Leland. I really liked this movie. In the movie Ryan Gosling's character does this thing with his eyes, where he has one eye shut while his other eye focuses on an object and then he switches and does the reverses, which completely changes the position of the object. It's a re-occurring thing in the movie. What's weird is that I always do this with objects. I doubt that I'm one of the only people that do it, but it's something I've always done but never shared with anybody else.

Colin and I went shopping for more then two hours today. This would not be so weird if it weren't for the fact that it was grocery shopping. First we went to Trader Joe's and then to Whole Foods. Holy hell I think every time I go to Trader Joe's I have some kind of panic attack, which is caused by the chaotic nature of the shoppers there. There's always at least one single parent with two or more fussy kids that are hanging out of their cart crying or complaining. There is also always a grumpy old woman or dozen at Trader Joe's fiercely plowing down the aisle, pushing you aside for that gallon of milk. Colin whispered to me, "look that woman is spread eagle, LOOK!" I replay, "what the fuck are you talking about?" I look around and try to find her but I'm too slow, fortunately for me the woman does some kind of very aggression spread eagle bend to the floor to grab some granola bars. God it was awkward, it kind of made me feel sick. Anyway I bought more frozen mangoes--two bags to be exact. These will be gone in a week...tops.

Today I did I participated in this research study for my management class. It was in a computer lab, and as you know computer labs are notoriously hot. Jesus, I was sweating...bad. This is probably because I'm a menopausal old woman. In any case it was nasty. I rarely ever feel like I'm pitting out. I say feel like i'm pitting out because I really did not know. Usually when I feel like I'm sweating badly, I'm really not. I think self-consciousness really plays a large part of this feeling. It was so bad that I was scared to re-tie my hair, fearing that someone would catch a glimpse of a sweaty pit. For some reason there was a dog in class, I think it was a lab tech's or something. But it was so friendly and cute I could not resist playing with it. I spend a good 5 minutes petting this dog and after I smell something kind of gross around me. I look around thinking to myself "maybe someone farted" then I smell my hands and realize my hands smell like shit. At this point I am a little upset, not at the dog but the dog's owner. How dare they have a dirty dog.

I am so tired. I need to go to bed. But I will probably see if Frances has a new blog up.